Every year, we all partake in yearly round-ups: from Instagram’s top 9 to Snapchat’s yearly snaps and Spotify’s wrap.
Sadly amongst all the joys in looking through all the highlights and snapshots, comes the judgment of ourselves through the shame of all the “should have’s” being shifted into “will do’s” and poof!
Our regrets are recycled into new year resolutions.
From gym-going and weight loss to places visited (or not) and people remembered (or forgotten)… to well…
“Anything and everything all of the time.”
Regret recycled into New Year’s Resolutions.
The last blog discussed how to listen and judge emotions to look for unmet needs and wants to create boundaries and standards.
This blog aims to expand on points made as well as how to judge ourselves based on regret.
Using the time where society feels called to “right fails” by calling them resolutions, to instead use the time to learn our fears behind our regrets, that has us wanting to right our “failures”.
Guilt, Shame, and Regret are and can be teachers.
Those three work best as teachers when we have a healthy relationship with them.
Having a healthy relationship with them starts by enjoying our present victories even if they are “small”, for our liking.
Kept 5 pounds off, but did not lose all the weight you wanted?
It is still five pounds closer to the goal than previously.
It also shows what worked for them.
Stop the cycle of taking “should” and combining it with “better”.
Start asking what brought joy not just “worked.”
For example, if a diet had one complaining the entire time, about “having to”, and hating others who “didn’t have to” then were they really happy and overly joyful to do a diet that “worked”?
Or did they let comparison from previous years’ “failure” trick one into thinking “they have to”?
Comparison is the real New Year’s Resolutions creator.
Comparision thrives off of shame, regret, guilt, and fear.
It also is a thief of joy and confidence, which can plant bitterness.
From fears of failures and unmet needs, so quickly judge ourselves; tell ourselves a fraction of a goal is not good enough.
That we “should have done better.”
Planting the seeds of bitterness by not being proud of ourselves.
Turning a blind eye to the year spent accomplishing the fractions of goals.
Painting harsh quick judgment of “failures” in disappointment framed New Years Resolution.
Resolutions set the tone for hope hiding obsession, failure, or both.
All from the year look back.
“But Becca, you can’t talk on this because you’re guilty of it too.”
Honey, I know. That is where this comes from.
Not to just preach, but also remind self through accountability of a reminder in a year from now.
I’ve spent the last few years diving deep into a “growth mindset.” Not just posting positive quotes or talking about it, rather, working on my relationship with both productivity and success.
Catching my old habit of watering bitter seeds, from not celebrating my small victories. So this isn’t meant to be hypocritical, however, there is no better way to talk on a subject than one, that you have spent time learning and growing on.
The past is a place of reference, not residence.
Instead of looking at the past defined “failure” and “success”, it is time to use the past as a viewfinder for growth.
From temporary changes that become permanent, to what is both feared and wanted.
“But Becca, resolutions set the tone for the new year.”
Yes, they can.
I am saying don’t let the bitterness of comparison from the previous year set the tone for the new year.
Inc. reported that 91% of us do not keep our resolutions, here is the article to read over their tips for keeping them.
If you can not go without setting resolutions.
Getting back to one of the most used resolutions, losing weight.
Be more proud of the weight that stayed off consistently than just being annoyed at “having to” lose the weight, to begin with, or mad that a goal was not fully hit.
Stay proud of what worked AND brought joy that lasted with it.
How does this look like in your life?
What is the fear behind resolution-making?
How is that judgment of self?
Why is it justified in your mind?
Where are the exceptions planted?
When do we fear the most judgments for others and ourselves?
Hope that answering these questions when making resolutions, cures the New Year cycle of “failing.”
Rather replace the “fail/success” ratio for joy and peace, instead of waiting for holidays to bring exceptions to bitterness.
Building upon the previous blog, it is time to stop regretting resolutions built upon unmet needs and quick judgment. Time to start focusing on building a life that gives joy and confidence to handle what we decide to take on.
I leave with the final questions.
What is your dream life?
Get descriptive, get real with what your daily “dream life” looks like?
How can it be tomorrow?
Does your dream life match your current habits?
Or are there things that need to change to make your dream life a reality?
Whatever those answers are, maybe craft “resolutions” based on what about your dream life would bring the most joy.
On the off chance, this article made one rethink their resolutions, and suddenly there is a need for a reset day.
January 19th is the day associated with “quitting” resolutions.
In case, one needs a reason to feel okay with either walking away from original resolutions or redesigning them, here is a perfect “reset” day.
Let this year be the year your dream life starts happening in small ways.