HI THERE! This is Beccaš here! Now I have been told the editing style we have created here is dominating visual art. Then asked about it, and we already have written two blogs about this. They can be read under the titles “Artist with a Camera” and “Worldwide Elopement Visuals here!” Now, this blog is here to turn back the clock, like way back before we (Mr. Bee and I) were ever thinking of being a team! This blog is a personal bee-bit of history. To the conversation that made me a better photographer. As well as causing the shift into wanting to create like an artist but with a camera.
Back before dominating visual art, I was shy with a camera… but not shy with researching for others.
Okay so before we get started, I know and keep an eccentric crowd to keep my mind completely open. That being said, regarding the topics covered in this blog, readers/viewers are advised. Topics will cover sex work, BDSM, and other things that should not be read if: under 18, with judgment, or closed-mindedness. Just like art is supposed to make you uncomfortable while opening your mind, I aspire to write blogs that do the same.
ANYHOW.
SO I am the type of person that if I can avoid an awkward google search… I will. Anyhow, I knew someone in my close friend circle needed information. I also knew someone else in the inner circle who knew someone who knew someone who knew someone. Okay, so many someone’s different circles later… there I was on speakerphone with a Domme.
For four hours of my life.
I do not regret this call in the SLIGHTEST.
As it made me a better photographer to this very day.
“Understanding is deeper than knowledge. There are many people who know you but few who understand you.”
-Nicolas cage
Okay so side personal note:
Anytime I am doing research for someone else, I can dissociate like a mofo. I can take notes as if it were just a history lesson or English lesson. Pass off notes like it is study hall, and go about my business, free of judgment, guilt, or shame. That is just who I am. Knowledge fascinates me and as well as keeps me in a bubble of comfort even if hindsight, I am like “Oh, so that’s awkward in a conversation to talk about… yet 10/10 would have this conversation again.” Friends can testify to this fact. Sitting on the kitchen floor, sharing wine shooters while discussing different religions? Yup. Out on a porch step, talking about important relationship sexual things while swatting mosquitos? DONE THAT TOO. So on speaker with a Domme for a friend who is not present? Oh yeah, nothing out of character. Just a typical Tuesday.
“Detachment is an art of enjoying something while always being open…”
-John B. Bejo
OKAY BACK TO BACKSTORY. THERE I WAS.
After a boudoir shoot, talking to a Domme about all things sex work, SAFE BDSM lifestyle, and the point of it all. Wish I could say I was the slightest bit intimidated, yet all I can say… I was just acting like it was American history and I needed to jot down as much information as possible. Past making sure I was not misjudging a lifestyle of a poorly written book, I 100% was being a nerd and taking notes. Asking questions, making notes of questions and answers. Did you know after 50 Shades of Gray extremely misrepresented the BDSM lifestyle, that domestic violence reports, JUMPED? Now you do. Also if you or someone you know needs a hotline, here ya go. Wrapping the conversation up, my bubble of “this is not about me nor for me” got POPPED.
Now for the birth story of “Dominating Visual Art”.
Now here is when the conversation changed from the topic of BDSM to photography. So there I was attempting to wrap this conversation up where the Domme said something similar to “I’ve taught you everything you would need to know if you ever needed to make money quickly.” Distant far bubble pop, numero uno. To which I think I responded with something like “Oh why thank you, but although this is for a friend… I myself could never be paid to tell people what to do.” Chuckles emitted from the speaker, several questions later… and my comfort zone bubble was popped.
“What do you do?”
Ma’m I make pretty photos?
“Yes but how?“
With people and my camera?
“Okay, but what do you do to get them to look great?”
I guide them?
“Yes but by doing what?”
I tell them things that would look good…
“So my job, your job, and CEO are not that much different. People either pay with time or money to be told what they want to do. Your job is just like mine, a power exchange of trust and respect and consent.”
My friend sitting there holding the speakerphone to their connection… literally said “OMG you should see her face. she literally is just opening and closing her mouth like a fish. No words! I have never seen her not have a retort.” You see I am a person of free will. And if you have read a previous blog titled “Don’t Judge a” (which started a series), you probably have noted there is no need for bad judgment. However one does need to exercise good judgment that helps better them and their relationship with self. So being told, I am being paid to tell people what to do… yeah, matrix wall break to the highest degree.
Awestruck, Flabbergasted, and Gobsmacked, are small terms to describe me during the ending of that conversation.
I circle back to my opening line, I keep eccentric friends to keep me fully open-minded and without judgment. These kinds of conversations, are the kind that sticks with you years after they take place. The kind of conversations that leave one; changed, different and inspired. As well as a better human being. For me, it made me better at my job and understand how to not just rely on “hype” to work with me. But use my presence for a better experience overall, even without a camera in hand.
So let’s break this down.
How did my fish mouth reaction lead to making me a better photographer? Which then lead me to be known for being an artist with camera making dominating visual art? Returning to the intersecting point, “your job is not different…” Not saying that telling people what to do is a bad thing, however, I just was not one for it. Yet somehow, telling people to smile and look in certain directions never seemed to be “telling someone what to do.” It just felt like guidance. Yet I did note, that I was in a posing rut due to this mindset. All because I did not like telling people what to do and never had to connect dots from my community to another. I still don’t like telling people what to do, but I prefer making smiles when I deliver final artwork more than my comfort zone.
“People pay with time or money to be told what they want to do.”
This is the statement that truly rattled me. It left me riveting every session on the floor. Shaken to the core of my own rules, I sat there realizing so much. I don’t remember much from my friend wrapping up the conversation. Just the key points of how it is my job to make people look good and explain all the links. Thus it requires me to tell them what will. I remember saying “No… no… NO! I do not tell them what to do!” A few times, just to have a retort given of “uh yeah you do. And people like it. People trust you, so what? You’re good at your job!”
What followed that catalytic conversation, surely can be seen as creating dominating visual art.
So this is where the warning for this blog comes in. If you are under 18, are close-minded, or practicing judging… abort now. We are about to get into some not so work friendly topics. Straight from the Domme’s voice, “The world would be better if the fundamentals of BDSM, were used for healthy connections.” Connections are any type of relationship. The fundamental core values are honesty, trust, consent and bonus, and safewords. Many mistake the community as just 50 shades of crazy and no room for understanding that it is so much more.
Honesty
So in BDSM, you literally can not do anything {safely} without complete honesty. It’s why the contract is important for all parties partaking to fill out. How does that transition over to photography? Well, I have a form I use to get to know you before ever meeting your face! From that honesty, we can honestly discuss the contract and expectations. Comfort levels in attire and posing/prompts. They also pointed out how in photography there is an exchange of power and trust. The power to make art, and the trust that it will turn out well. So yeah, I see their point here. It really does create a harmonious connection, no matter the profession or relationship.
“Honesty brings clarity and clarity gives us an opportunity to make good decisions.”
-Aska Kolton
From Honesty, Trust can be built.
The honesty also helps later in the session for non-verbal heads up for breathers, but we’ll get to that. First, honesty builds openly spoken expectations and boundaries. From there trust can be built, trust that expectations and boundaries will be met and respected. And due to that later during the session, there is trust to know when it is time to break and rest from the cameras.
“You build trust with others when each time you chose integrity over image, truth over convience, or honor over personal gain.”
– John C. Maxwell
Consent can not be had if there is no trust to first be respected.
So in the community, literally consent is the backbone. Yet you can’t know what your limits are if you are not first honest with yourself. Now imagine a world where there is no fronting, to impress, but rather just honest people with where they themselves are at. Then imagine a world where no is no, no matter the context or scenario. It is not “anything for the gram”, or oversold/hyped. Nor is it a “well we’re already here”. It is listening, reading body language, and understanding how it feels to be in front of the camera. It is us, listening to you. Reminding you how it is YOUR adventure visual art session. So it is YOUR timeline. Our time is not a worry. Plus you need to take time to line up the composition of contrast to make dominating visual art.
“If you and your partner practice non-sexual consent often, it will make your relationship healthier and easier…and this goes for friendships too! Parents, this might look like not picking up your kids phone without asking or opening doors without asking. Consent is not just for sex.”
–Sanderstudies
Bonus: Safewords.
Okay so the next tidbit, really sent the slugger home on “oh yeah they are right.” You see my friend, who I had just captured their boudoir, knows me personally. Knew that I hate/hated talking about heavy emotional moments. They also knew that I liked to work through my own emotional times by myself. Being a good friend, they also knew Ben and I set up a system to allow me this space. “You still use the word marshmallow to let ben know where your emotions are, right? Not every couple does this, but almost every BDSM couple does this. This creates a quick flag for the other person to know back off. And if more people did this, there would be fewer divorces and more cooled-off conversations.”
Let me just say, sitting there from a sheer accidental conversation with my partner and him on the fly saying “just say marshmallow” to an intentional conversation where it was brought up to serve a point… Yup, knock me out. I was mentally undone, on the floor. But wait, there’s more.
“You don’t even notice this, but you create this same space in your shoots. You literally are practicing non-sexual consent and using words that clients feel comfortable with you. Literally, you just saw my buttcheeks all up in your camera. You did not feel uncomfortable nor did I. That’s what makes you damn good at your job.”
Yup, definitely K.O.-ed.
“Finding a human
that you can be vunerable with
while feeling completely safe
is priceless.”
-J. Iron Word
So from there, dominating visual art, was a slow burn that became a wildfire.
After resolidifying my melted mind. I turned over my notebook to the original friend and moved on with my life. Altered for the better. From there I sat with the realization that part of my job was in fact telling people what to do. Which was a lot to process. However, it made me find strength in my research for photography poses/prompts. As well as show up more authentically. There is a part two to this tale from my memory bank, from a few years later. Needless to say, the Domme I talked to on the phone, I eventually met in person. Yes, this conversation was brought up.
“See you are good at telling people what to do. You handled all of us so well. Been a minute since I submitted to someone. You’re a good photographer if you can handle all of this crazy group and still manage to make magic. It’s good to see you confident and not a fish. Sorry about that. You had the typical reaction when I link things like that. Don’t worry!”
Realizing that people trust me to make them look good and not “just hit a button”, was the wake-up call that I needed. Here is the thing, we all need wake-up calls. This was one that the snooze button was broken on. Thankfully so, it saved me from massive amounts of burnout and hate for my job. It helped pinpoint social media as the culprit that I hate/hated, not my actual job. I was able to sit and become better at creating. Taking leaps with measured faith.
Ben noted a difference too.
Returning home from that conversation, I was definitely different. I was always passionate about photography, it was something Ben fell in admiration of immediately. Even back in 2013, he thought it was amazing for someone so young to know what they wanted to do. Fast-forward to 2017, he saw it go from this super light and fluffy “I love my job omg.” To this confident, “Yes, I am a photographer and yes I love my job. Let me show you why!” The energy shift ignited a small flame that led to a wildfire.
In 2018, Ben’s favorite moment had him so enthralled that he forgot to snap it on a camera.
I had finished modeling. Then was given a clear to grab my camera and start capturing. Unapologetically went to the front of the group, talked to models, and got them to focus on me. Then ran to the back, balanced on a couch cushion. And started capturing the scene. While still in my modeling outfit… sparkling rose gold formal gown and all. Balancing on a wobbly, squishy couch cushion. Directing from the back.
At one point supposedly, all the other photographers turned to look at me. Captured this moment. WAS NEVER SENT EVIDENCE. SO IT DOES NOT EXIST. Anyhow, at another point in these 15 minutes, a photographer said, “man we should have let her do this earlier.” Ben heard. Yet another said, “She is owning this room unapologetically, and fearlessly.” Ben retorted, “Yeah that’s my wife. It’s her thing.”As he stood, marveling at me be unaware of the eyes and cameras. Balancing on a couch cushion, leaning against a wall in a rose gold formal gown, camera in hand.
Meanwhile, mentally I think I look deranged and sound bossy, and feel bad for taking over directing the models.
I have yet to see physical evidence of me not looking deranged and only told by him and others it was a sight to see. Someone so unapologetically and unaware of owning a room.
So creating dominating visual art took a foothold.
From the conversation in 2017, the confidence to do what I could and wanted to be known for was a slow burn. Yet a slow burn means a tiny flame can become a wildfire nonetheless. Restarting in 2020 from ground zero put seeds of doubt in my mind… yet the unmeasured belief in an idea stayed strong. Not just in an idea but in myself, the unmeasured faith took one heck of a leap. 2021 was spent getting over mental hurdles as the belief was tested.
Yet, here we are.
You reading a long-winded personal tale over how I, Beccaš, got to this exact moment in my life and career of creating dominating visual art. Honestly, this should have probably been typed before Ben and I’s duo blog of a back story for Worldwide Elopement Visuals. As well as hinted at in the full recap of my career blog.
Yet I think both of those blogs made space for this one to feel right at home in the beehive.
Thanks for reading bees, now go buzz down to the comment section and tell me your favorite part of this blog.
Aloha Lovers,
Where is your loverās tale taking us?
Till Next Buzz, Bees!
(Follow us^^^)
Till next personal tale from a bee-bit
Gotta go update a Lover’s Tale with a chapter that is all about how an adventure turns love into art.
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